20th Century Journeys

Q: How old were you when you could say, "Now I know where I am, now I have found myself"?

Steinsaltz: I read a story by Kafka about a person who wakes up and finds that he is a cockroach. Finding myself religious was almost the same thing for me.

Q: It was a surprise?

Steinsaltz: It was more than a surprise. If one wakes up and finds himself an angel, it is different. But when you find yourself a cockroach? The most frightening and hardest point to get over and the biggest obstacle in Judaism are the Jews. The theory is so much superior to the people. Part of this trouble is belonging to a group of people that one does not particularly admire. I knew them and I didn't particularly admire them. Incidentally, since then my point of view has changed very much. The change in my attitude came about like in the story of Avraham Avinu, rather than any of those conversions which are traumatic and dramatic; very gradually, and by way of making friends and observing them.

Q: Would you say that you were, then, one of the 'mevakshe derech' [seekers of the way]?

Steinsaltz: I was not one of the ‘mevakshe derech' in the sense that term is understood today, i.e., seekers of spirituality. I did not search for spirituality. I was really searching for something to place me in this world, in existence.

Q: Orientation?

Steinsaltz: Yes, orientation. As I said about Avraham Avinu's quest, questions such as who made it? How does it work? From where did it come? or Where does it go?

Q: Looking for truth?

Steinsaltz: More like a person who is going for a stroll and looks at the scenery.